How can I coax LPRun (any version) to run within Azure App Services' Kudu/SCM?

I'd like to use LPRun to run some LinqPad scripts for more complex housekeeping tasks in Azure App Services that would be far too painful to write in .cmd or PowerShell.

However, LPRun doesn't seem to want to run:

(Yes, I've read the bundled Help! LINQPad won't start!.txt readme files; but despite the restrictions in the Azure App Service sandbox (rsfilter.sys, fyi), the full dotnet environment is ostensibly available, hence why I'm unsure of the exact cause of all these errors (below) about LPRunN.exe not finding any installed versions of dotnet.

LinqPad 5 LPRun.exe:

C:\home\site\Utility\LPRun\LPRun5>LPRun.exe
IOException: The handle is invalid.

   at System.IO.__Error.WinIOError(Int32 errorCode, String maybeFullPath)
   at System.IO.__Error.WinIOError()
   at System.Console.set_InputEncoding(Encoding value)
   at LINQPad.Cmd.LPCmd.Run(String[] args)

C:\home\site\Utility\LPRun\LPRun5> 

LinqPad 6 LPRun6.exe:

C:\home\site\Utility\LPRun\LPRun6>lprun6.exe
You must install or update .NET to run this application.

App: C:\home\site\Utility\LPRun\LPRun6\LPRun6.exe
Architecture: x64

Framework: 'Microsoft.WindowsDesktop.App', version '3.1.0' (x64)
.NET location: C:\Program Files\dotnet

No frameworks were found.

Learn more:
https://aka.ms/dotnet/app-launch-failed

To install missing framework, download:
https://aka.ms/dotnet-core-applaunch?framework=Microsoft.WindowsDesktop.App&framework_version=3.1.0&arch=x64&rid=win-x64&os=win10
C:\home\site\Utility\LPRun\LPRun6> 

LinqPad 6 LPRun6-net5.exe:

C:\home\site\Utility\LPRun\LPRun6>LPRun6-net5.exe
You must install or update .NET to run this application.

App: C:\home\site\Utility\LPRun\LPRun6\LPRun6-net5.exe
Architecture: x64

Framework: 'Microsoft.WindowsDesktop.App', version '5.0.0' (x64)
.NET location: C:\Program Files\dotnet

No frameworks were found.

Learn more:
https://aka.ms/dotnet/app-launch-failed

To install missing framework, download:
https://aka.ms/dotnet-core-applaunch?framework=Microsoft.WindowsDesktop.App&framework_version=5.0.0&arch=x64&rid=win-x64&os=win10

LinqPad 8 LPRun8.exe and LinqPad 8 LPRun8-x86.exe:

(Same output for both)

C:\home\site\Utility\LPRun\LPRun8>LPRun8-x86.exe

Directory 'C:\Program Files (x86)\dotnet\shared\Microsoft.WindowsDesktop.App' does not exist.
LINQPad 8 requires .NET 9, .NET 8, .NET 7 or .NET 6 (Desktop) to run.
Run 'Download .NET.exe' to install.

LinqPad 9 LPRun9.exe and LinqPad 9 LPRun9-x86.exe:

(Same output for both)

C:\home\site\Utility\LPRun\LPRun9>lprun9
Directory 'C:\Program Files\dotnet\shared\Microsoft.WindowsDesktop.App' does not exist.
LINQPad 9 requires .NET 10, .NET 9 or .NET 8 (Desktop) to start up.
Run 'Download .NET.exe' to install.